Been so depressed, anxious, gloomy and stressed lately. Even online shopping can’t make me happy. Like my package from Bloomingdales came today and it’s just sitting on my desk because I don’t even feel compelled to open it.
A couple of months ago a bird had occupied and made a nest under the roof overhang on my house. It was on the corner of the front and side walls and it made a pretty secure nest to lay eggs in. Anytime any of us would pass by the nest, the bird would flee and later return to sit on her eggs, even though the nest was located a good 9 feet above our heads where no one could reach it. It was perched pretty precariously, but secure enough that it wouldn’t fall.
This kept on for a few weeks and everyone in my family was pretty mildly excited that a bird was raising baby birds outside our house. However, unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending.
One morning I had left for school and came back around noon after finishing my classes for the day. I parked my car in the driveway and turned the corner to go inside my house through our side door, when something on the ground immediately caught my eye. I looked down and saw that the three baby birds had somehow fallen out of the nest and died. They were not even fully developed baby birds yet, but still distinguishable enough to appear a week or two old. My heart automatically sank as I felt my eyes filling up with tears.
I impulsively felt that I had to do something to revive the birds, but was unsure of what to exactly do. I called my mom and told her what happened and I could hear her sadness over the phone. I tried to put aside my squeamishness for a minute and put latex gloves on to move the baby birds on a warm towel in effort to revive them and move them out of harms way (as suggested by the Humane Society’s FAQ). I carefully picked up each bird and put them in the towel but I knew it was useless, the birds had most likely died on impact from the fall (although, there were no signs of injuries). I called my dad while he was at the grocery store and he immediately headed over to see why I was so upset. He confirmed my verdict that the birds had died and gave a semi-sympathetic “it’s okay, it happens.” The three baby birds mother was no where in sight.
I don’t know why, but this experience that happened a few months ago made such an impact on my life. I had no personal attachment or connection to these birds, yet I found myself crying so much over what happened to them. Still from time to time, I’ll think about this experience and tear up. The following few days, I proceeded to tell everyone I knew what had happened to see if they would be feeling the same sorrow/grief that I was. One of my coworkers helped me feel better by saying that maybe it was a good thing, this way the birds would not have been harmed or died from a predator or something else more brutal.
However, what I really took away from this experience was the harsh realization, that sometimes life can be really cruel. Things and people die that don’t deserve to have their lives ended so abruptly or untimely. Sometimes life just really is unfair.
I met such an interesting man today while receptioning at the gallery.
His name was David, he was about 60 or so years old, and he was a retired film lecturer/ building restorer who came to check out the ceramics exhibition.
He told me his teacher’s work was on display here and that he’s been taking ceramics classes as a hobby since he’s retired. He asked me about Woodbury, what I’m majoring in, and what the school was like, the typical stuff I get asked.
But then we started talking about how he studied architecture and art history for his undergrad, but had no desire to pursue it as a profession. He later got a degree in filmmaking, and was teaching film classes over at USC and worked in restoration for old buildings.
We talked for about 45 minutes and he shared so much wisdom and experience with me, telling me about his younger life during the 1960s, his spiritual beliefs, and his outlook on life.
Towards the end of our chat he told me I have a wonderful soul and he wished me the best of luck once I graduate, and that he hopes I someday have a great man or woman in my life to share my soul with.
I really cherished this experience because I’ve had such a crappy past few weeks filled with stress and it was so nice to meet a total stranger who genuinely believed in me.
I try to think optimistically and I realized there were a lot of positives to today.
PRIOR to walking into the shock that awaited me in my graphic design class, I had woke up early, gotten free paper samples for the stationary from a great paper store, and managed to get everything printed and finished with an hour to spare before class. So I got to stop by Coffee Bean and grab breakfast before class which was nice.
I also went to work today and had some of my esteem boosted after I told a colleague about my unfortunate morning class, and this person pointed out that I have something that the graphic design students don’t. I have great marketing and communication skills, I can draw and paint, and I have great writing skills that make me very multifaceted so I shouldn’t even think that I’m the underdog.
I also talked to my advisor today and got some more kinks in my degree project hammered out, and feel a lot better about the direction I’m shifting towards.
Those were the major highlights today, but all in all, I’m just relieved this week is over which means I am one step closer to graduation.
Today was a really frustrating day because I made a dumb mistake and it really took a toll on me.
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned before, but I’m a Marketing & Graphic Design major, in my last semester ever of my undergraduate career.
BACKSTORY: However, since the nature of my major has two disciplines, I don’t take all of the classes a student in one of the traditional majors would. Therefore, I haven’t taken all of the classes in either major.
It hasn’t been a problem for my Marketing classes, but for Graphic Design courses, it’s been dreadful for the past year. Since the program is creative in nature, there’s bound to be competition in the atmosphere like any other creative major. And since I signed on to the curriculum later than expected, I’ve sort of been at a disadvantage than everyone else.
…Anyway, back to rant about today.
We had a stationary pinup today for our class session based off of the logo system that has been chosen by our client, and for some reason, my brain thought stationary just meant a paper sheet / letterhead. So I walk into class and see fellow classmates pinning up business cards and envelopes and I’m stunned after a peer told me it meant everything. I didn’t know stationary meant EVERYTHING.
I’ve always felt like the outcast and outsider in these graphic courses since I’m the only half breed so to speak, that’s in the class, making me feel as if I need to prove myself and show that I’m just as good as any of them, despite having less experience. But forgetting what the term stationary actually meant in design lingo just discouraged me more than it should of.
And no one likes standing in front of a classroom critique looking like the only person who misunderstood the professors instructions.
I try not to let things like this bother me, but it really does suck when you feel so utterly alone and singled out in these classes. I know I’m a friendly person, but some people just aren’t interested in making new acquaintances.
I’m just rambling at this point because it helps me clear my head.
Oh and I fell down today while walking to class and bruised my knee and that kind of sucked today too.
I was thinking about the idea of a human soulmate the other day and found myself having so many unanswered thoughts.
First I thought about the simple idea of a soulmate. Someone that is meant for you, your perfect companion, your complete and utter, soulmate. Which lead to me the question:
What if more than one person is your soulmate? What if you never meet your soulmate and that other half lives across the world and doesn’t even know about your existence? What if your soulmate dies or had died?
The conclusion my mind came to was that a person can have multiple soul mates. Therefore if you do not meet the soulmate who lives across the country, you still have other equally soul-y soulmates that live in closer proximity to you that you’re more likely to come across and meet and fall in love and be merry with.
I told my boyfriend about my soulmate theory and asked what his takes were on the whole concept of “your other half.” And he thought that a person does not have predestined soul mates that are already determined and waiting for you to discover each other. But rather, YOU create your soulmate, which is why its possible to have more than one or have a new one if your previous soulmate has passed on.
In conclusion, I now feel like soul mates do exist but they could be anyone you meet or have already known, its not someone that you have to search for all over the world, but rather, it’s someone you create and grow with that becomes your perfect, other half.
So I may have mentioned before that I never really pertain to listening to an album the moment it is released. I just don’t see the point…and although it may put me behind everyone else in the world, it doesn’t really matter because I’ll eventually listen to something if I want to.
Which brings me to discussing the current albums my ears are newly hearing:
Arcade Fire - Reflektor
The Cure - Greatest Hits + Acoustic Versions
Drake - Nothing Was The Same
Jay Z & Kanye West - Watch The Throne
Phoenix - Bankrupt!
Starcadian - Sunset Blood
Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
So far I’ve listened to the full Arcade Fire, Cure, and Phoenix albums and really enjoyed all three!
I am many things. I am a human, female, a twin sister, friend, daughter, girlfriend, and granddaughter. I am an introvert, an artist, designer, and marketing student. I am sweet, caring, polite, emotional, opinionated, activist, unique, weird, and quirky individual. I am an explorer, learner, researcher, and observer.
God has made me human and female. Biology has made me a sister, daughter, and granddaughter. My loyalty has made me a friend. A combination of my personality, appearance, loyalty, and loving nature has made me a girlfriend. My experiences and life events have shaped me into the sweet, caring, emotional, opinionated person that I am.
I know about Math, English, Science, and History. I know about marketing concepts graphic design through schooling and practice. I know about business, psychology, anthropology, Interdisciplinarity, sustainability, and sexuality. I know about music, movies, art, architecture, culture, and places. I know death, pain, happiness, loss, hurt, suffering, love growth, disappointment, struggle tests, stress, and achievement.
I know about Math, English, Science, and History because I went to grade school. I know about marketing, graphic design, business, and psychology because I go to college. I know about music, movies, art, architecture, culture, and more because of society, advertising, and self-discovery. I know about death, pain, happiness, loss, hurt, love, growth, disappointment, struggle, tests, stress, sexuality, and achievement through experience.
I don’t know why I am here. But I presume I am here to make a difference/impact in peoples lives, to make our world a better place, and to ultimately die.