“Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one ones living in - its a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.”—Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris (via squirmedstoic)
I’ll never be one of those girls who loves everything pink.
I’ll never be one of those girls who has the perfect body without even lifting a finger.
I’ll never be one of those girls who loves Uggs.
I’ll never be one of those girls that fall under the stereotypical “Armenian Princess” stereotype of this city.
I’ll never be one of those girls that have been wearing makeup for so long and so often, that might as well be professional make up artists.
I’ll never be one of those girls that make kissy duck faces or stick their tongues out in pictures.
I’ll never be one of those girls that adore the movie Mean Girls. I really can’t stand that film/don’t understand why all these females worship it.
I’ll never be one of those girls that puts hearts after every thing she posts.
I’ll never be one of those stereotypical, Armenian girls, that all like the same thing, and wear the same trendy clothes, and all have the same straight hair, with their expertly done makeup, and carry their designer handbags and consider themselves princesses that all these stereotypical, Armenian guys fall for.
I like going to the library by myself.
I like reading on my bed on a Friday.
I like getting coffee or lunch by myself.
I like shopping and making unnecessary purchases by myself.
I like to be left alone.
I like exploring the world around me, all by myself.
I am always walking around campus by myself.
I don’t ask people to do things for me usually, I do them myself.
I’m not used it when people want to do things with me.
Or include me in shit anymore.
Or ask me to hang out or go study together.
It doesn’t bother me that no one simply says “how are you doing” anymore.
It doesn’t bother me that no one cares.
It does however, make me feel incredibly awkward when someone will actually do these said things.
I’m not used to it.
I’m not used to people caring for me.
I’m not used to people liking me.
Or wanting to be with me.
I am so immune to keeping people at arms length, all thanks to you.
So thank you,
Thanks for instilling this loneliness upon my life.
That is all.
I know a person, not someone whose really a friend, but more like a friend of a friend, who literally left being here in the states and moved 7,000+ miles away to live in a different country where they knew absolutely no one…
It wasn’t on a whim or random, work related, or anything purposeful, at least I’m assuming, but I wish I knew what compelled him to make this entire life change.
I find it so remarkable that this person did this; get up, pack, and just leave.
Well, I’m positive it was a planned move, or I don’t know, but still, it’s essentially the same. Get up, pack, and leave everything/everyone behind…
Maybe he had no emotional ties to this place, not too many he cared for, or really just wanted to explore and travel, or maybe he simply wanted a fresh start, or, a combination of all of these things.
It’s been roughly two years since he moved, word is that he’s finally coming back here briefly for a few weeks, and then moving back, 7,000 or so miles away again to a different foreign country. Nonetheless, I find it incredibly inspiring, what he did.
I wish I had the ability to do this. I feel that I have no emotional ties here in this country, besides maybe Taleen, I really feel that I could make it on my own and not miss anything, anyone. But then again, what do I know.
Becoming utterly independent is proving to be a challenge, but I feel this will be such a useful attribute to possess.
Independence will essentially make nothing hold me back from anything I wish to achieve for myself, maybe one day, it’ll compel me to move to Australia too, where I know absolutely nobody and never have to worry about ever running into you and seeing your fucking face ever again…