Sometimes I have this semi-crazy thought where I wonder,
Sometimes I have this semi-crazy thought where I wonder, what if I was in the hospital? What if I got sick or injured or something unimaginable happened to me that placed me in a hospital bed. Who would come visit me? Besides the obvious ones being my family. But who would come and see me everyday, what friends would care enough to come for the right reasons, the reason being that they truly cared about me as a friend. It’s saddening to say this, but I think that none of my supposed friends would come, I feel that I’ve burned down every bridge or never even bothered to build bridges with people in the first place. And then I think, would I even want people to know? Ive always hated having attention on me. And then my mind thought, would I even tell him? Immediately when I thought this I thought “No way, I wouldn’t want him to worry or have him feel pity on me.” But then my mind thought, if I was lying in a hospital bed, would I really be thinking I wouldn’t want to be a burden to him, or would I be thinking about how incredibly lucky I was to be alive and how precious life is for me to not say how I really feel. It made me think about how scared I am, even though I preach to everyone I know that life is too short to ask “what if” questions and to always do and speak what we feel; it made me think about how scared I am of expressing how I really truly feel to him, about him. Expressing how I feel, to a lot of people.